Miao Cai the Mooquatch: The Untold Story
by Harada Sanosuke
Summary: This is a story of a hideous beast called a Mooquatch, named Miao Cai. Shu goes on a campaign against Wei but the mountain of Ding Jun becomes more of a problem than they expect. Warnings: Character Deaths
1. Chapter 1

It was a cold day in the mountains in Ding Jun, there was a strange creature born. She was an enormous beast, a hairy creature measuring in at over seven foot tall. The creature had small bat wings and a pom-pom on the top of its head. She was so ugly that her parents left her in a cold, damp cave to die. This story is about her life, this story is about Miao Cai the Mooquach. You may ask yourself, "What is a mooquatch?" Well that is quite simple; a mooquatch is a child from a moogle and a sasquatch. Usually, in situations where a mooquatch is born, the parents either kill each other, kill the child or, on a rare occasion, they actually care for their child, but it wasn't to be that way for Miao Cai. She was to be killed, but the plan went sour and she survived. Here is her untold story.

In the nearby village, everybody feared this hideous creature. This was the result of that nobody has ever seen it. Had they seen it, they would have never ever feared it, since it was just plainly ugly. However, this was about to change, when on one cold autumn day, the Shu army began to march through the village...

As the army passed through the village, various people ran up to them and tried to convince the army to stop and turn back and amazingly enough they almost succeeded, but Zhuge Liang, the army's grand general has turned them off. Then he boosted up the army's morale by talking about how important this battle was and how it would make it easier to achieve peace. For a short amount of time, it seemed to work but then confusion rose, which was noticed by Zhuge Liang and he began again.

"Men, this battle is going to bring peace to our land and unite China under the rule of our Lord Liu Bei. We cannot turn back just because of some mythical creature. For all we know it could just be a legend these people made up. Now, forward!" Zhuge Liang pointed forward and the army continued to march towards the mountain. On the way a peasant thug kicked the last soldier at the end, causing a domino effect, which knocked down every soldier and Zhuge Liang as well. The peasant ran off laughing as Zhuge Liang glared. He grabbed one of the bows and an arrow from a soldier and shot the peasant in the back as he ran. The peasant died instantly.

As she slowly rose from the ground, Yue Ying stared at her husband, shocked by his actions. The faces of the other generals were the same, Zhao Yun, Zhang Fei and Huang Zhong had all similar expressions, except for Wei Yan, who laughed hard. He was so busy to laugh that he did not notice a soldier slowly walking behind him and giving him a wedgie. He instantly stopped laughing and got shocked. Zhuge Liang cleared his throat, fanned himself and ordered to continue their journey and so they did. However the soldier who made fun of Wei Yan laughed hard and did not notice that they already continued to march.

Zhuge Liang glared at the soldier as they were marching, making him hurry up back in line. The mountain had a small ramp going upwards which made it somewhat difficult for all of them to march. They had to make their formation much smaller to fit everyone. After marching for an hour they made it to a plateau where they stopped and made camp. Zhang Fei and Zhao Yun made the tents up as Huang Zhong and Wei Yan built a few fires for food. Out of nowhere Meng Huo, Zhu Rong, Yuan Shao and two nanman jumped out from behind a rock and started dancing around the one campfire. The others stared blankly at them.

Yue Ying shook her head and went to prepare food for her husband. After the dance stopped, the soldiers sat around the campfire drinking wine. A few of them already passed out, when Zhang Fei appeared and sat down to them. He ordered a soldier to get him a huge jug of wine. The man nodded and ran off for it. For awhile silence fell on the group, when a soldier among them stood up and shared his great idea that he thought of for sometime.

Zhang Fei drank the jar of wine that the soldier brought back very fast. He instantly fell to the ground unconscious from being drunk. The soldier that was standing there sweatdropped and looked at the other soldiers.

"Right then, listen up mates, I gots an idear! Let's see if we can rustle up dat there 'mooquatch'! I here she's a beaut!" The one soldier said. The other soldiers raised their eyebrows in confusion. The soldier sighed at their lack of humor. "I said let's go find the mooquatch to see if she is real or not!"

"But why'd ya talk so weird?" The second soldier asked him. The first one smacked him upside the head and gathered his stuff.

"Let's get going before Zhang Fei knows what happened to us!" The five soldiers looked at the passed out, drunken Zhang Fei to make sure he was still out cold. They decided that he was still asleep and slowly snuck off to find their mythical creature.

Zhao Yun yawned as he came out from his tent. He was kind of tired, but he decided to ignore that feeling because he was needed by the lord. He looked around carefully then scratched his butt and grinned. He once more looked around and sweatdropped at the sight of drunken soldiers. He walked through them and went into Zhuge Liang's tent.

"My Lord you ha..." he began but his jaw dropped at the sight.

What he saw shocked him utterly.

Zhuge Liang was standing there with his pants half way down as he tried to get dressed. His eyes went wide as he saw Zhao Yun enter. Zhao Yun quickly turned around as Zhuge Liang put his pants on.

"Could you please announce you entering before you just walk in next time Lord Zhao Yun? It is impolite just to barge in." Zhuge Liang shook his head. Zhao Yun turned back around and bowed apologetically.

"I'm sorry Lord Zhuge Liang; I just came in to ask you if you have seen any of the soldiers. It looks like we may be missing some?" Zhuge Liang's eyebrows rose at that and he stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"I just hope they haven't..." Zhuge Liang's words faded as he heard a noise from the mountain.

Suddenly, a soldier threw himself in Zhuge Liang's tent and fell on a rock. His head broke and his brains swept out as a pool of blood appeared that surrounded his now lifeless body. He died instantly. Another soldier threw himself in Zhuge Liang's tent, but this time he did not hurt himself like the previous one.

"L-lord Zhuge Liang!!! There is panic in the camp! The soldiers are getting scared! If this keeps going on our morale will be crushed!" he cried.

"What happened?" asked Yue Ying curiously as she walked up to them.

"It was hideous! It was grotesque! The sight... it was unbearable!!!" The soldier began crying loudly. Zhuge Liang sweatdropped and stood up.

"What happened outside?" Zhuge Liang asked them, getting more impatient by the second as soldiers ran around like crazy outside the tent.

"My Lord... there was... Sun Ce and Zhou Yu making out up the hill!!!!" The soldier passed out and died when he hit the ground and cracked his head open on the dead soldier's armor. Zhuge Liang smacked his forehead and told Zhao Yun to take care of the problem. Zhao Yun nodded and walked out. Several minutes later they heard two high pitched screams. A few moments later Zhao Yun returned and told Zhuge Liang that the problem was taken care of. Zhuge Liang nodded.

"Good, now that there is nothing wrong anymore, I suggest we pack up and continue our march." Zhao Yun nodded and left to tell everyone else to pack. Huang Zhong and Wei Yan packed the tents and the soldiers got all the small items together. They finished and got back into line, then began to march once again.

As the troops marched Zhuge Liang had a strange feeling. A feeling inside of him like something was not right. It felt like someone was watching him...

Seeing her husband troubled, Yue Ying asked Zhuge Liang if there was something wrong. He looked at her and nodded. He then told her he felt like as if they were being watched. Yue Ying put her hand on his shoulder and gave him a gentle squeeze. She then assured him nothing was wrong.

As she said those words, they suddenly got attacked by wild ravens. They tried to hush them away but to no avail.

Zhao Yun and Zhang Fei quickly slashed at the ravens causing them to get scared and fly off. Zhuge Liang stroked his chin. He was deep in though at Yue Ying touched his shoulder again. Zhuge Liang blinked and looked at her. She had a look of concern on her face.

"I do not think those ravens came out of nowhere just to attack us. I believe something else is out there. Maybe Wei, maybe Wu or maybe something else..." Zhuge Liang thought some more as Zhang Fei decided to add his thoughts.

"Do you think it could be that disgusting beats the 'mooquatch'? I heard it likes to attack people who try to pass her mountain. The villagers said she uses other animals to injure the people, and if they continue, she comes out and finishes them off with her bear like hands." Zhang Fei nodded. The soldiers looked around in fear of what might be out there. Zhuge Liang sighed and shook his head.

"There is no such this as a mooquatch; it's a folk tale to scare people. Do not pay any mind to that myth and let us continue. We will find out if anything is there. If there is, it's probably just a fox or some small animal that scared the ravens towards us." Zhuge Liang nodded to Yue Ying and she smiled back. They all began to march once again.

As they continued to march, they reached a weird area. It was awfully quiet, was snowy and it seemed quite deserted. Suddenly a roar could be heard in the distance along with stomping sounds. The army cried out loud. A creature appeared before them and ran up to Wei Yan. It roared into Wei Yan's face causing him to pass out. The creature beat its chest and roared some more. The army ran around in circles crying "mooquatch".

Zhuge Liang raised his eyebrows and took a closer look at the creature. The creature looked at Zhuge Liang and they both blinked.

"And who might you be...?" Zhuge Liang wondered.


	2. Chapter 2

Suddenly a soldier walked up and cleared his throat. They both turned to him as he spoke.

"Ahem, ahem, I just looked up in the book of freaks and it said this is the "Mooquatch", which is a cross breed of ugliness and stupidity." he smiled as he finished his sentence, not knowing it would be the last.

The creature twitched and vomited acid on it causing the soldier to die instantly. It then turned to Zhuge Liang.

Zhuge Liang sat still on his horse. He showed no fear on his face but inside he felt uneasy with this creature sitting in front of him. Yue Ying also felt this. Zhang Fei rode up next to it and jumped off his horse. He looked up and stared it in the eyes.

"You don't scare me! I am the mighty Zhang Fei! I challenge you to a fight you freak!" Zhang Fei punched it in the face. It fell over instantly. Zhang Fei turned to Zhuge Liang and laughed. "That was a lot easier than I expected!"

But that was the last thing he said as the mooquatch spit acid on him, killing him instantly like the soldier. Zhuge Liang was getting more scared by this fearsome beast. It stood back up on its feet and roared, beating its chest. Zhuge Liang looked at it for a moment, carefully trying to pick out the right words to say to it.

"Mooquatch... what is it that you want with us?" Zhuge Liang asked it. The mooquatch scratched its head and stared at Zhuge with a stupid expression of possibly not understanding. Zhuge Liang was about to talk when the mooquatch started to speak.

"Chu...ko...Li...ang!" spoke the monster shocking everybody around it.

"It can speak?" a soldier asked.

"No it can fart, of course it can speak!" said another soldier.

"Actually it can both fart and speak..." said a soldier behind them but was knocked out by both of them.

Zhuge Liang sweatdropped and wondered what it would want from him.

Zhao Yun looked at the beast as it slowly walked closer to Zhuge Liang. He held onto his spear with a firm grip, ready to attack it if it tries anything bad. The beast however, did not have a look on its face like it would attack him. It looked calm. Zhuge Liang stared at the creature as it kept getting closer.

"Chuko...Liang..." The creature said again to Zhuge Liang. Zhuge raised an eyebrow at it wondering what it wanted.

"Yes, I am Zhuge Liang. What is it that you want 'mooquatch'?" Zhuge Liang asked it staring cautiously wondering what it would do or say in return.

The beast's eyes were bright and shone with love as it smiled at Zhuge Liang. Yue Ying stared in horror as it came closer and closer. Huang Zhong couldn't take it any longer and with a loud yell, he struck the beast with his sword in the arm. The creature roared in pain and smacked him on the ground. He fell on a rock and broke his hip bone in the process and slowly and painful died. He was only 67 and nobody ever mourned him.

Wei Yan shouted in some tribal language and charged at the beast. He leaped off his horse and tackled the mooquatch. But she just side stepped him and Wei Yan crashed into a soldier, causing himself and the soldier to tumble off the side of the mountain into a cactus field. Both men were impaled by the cacti.

Zhuge Liang looked to his wife and she gently touched his hand. They both looked at the creature as it now stood directly in front of them staring at Zhuge Liang intently. She had a strange look on her face which surprised both of them. To the others she looked at them angry, but to Zhuge Liang she stared with a sort of loving facial expression.

"Chuko...Liang..." it repeated it again. With now Wei Yan, Zhang Fei and Huang Zhong dead, Zhuge Liang started to feel fear, but he tried to dismiss the feeling as Zhao Yun stood bravely to his right side. He did not really fear his life, but Yue Ying's. His wife meant the most to him and if anything were to happen to her he would...no. He did not want to think of that. That could never happen; he would not let that happen.

Zhuge Liang glared at the creature as he spoke.

"What do you want?" he demanded.

The creature did not respond to his question but stared more at him. She put her paw on her chest and then pointed to Zhuge Liang. They all looked at the mooquatch with a very confused look on their faces. They had no clue what the creature was trying to do. It did it a few times while repeating the name "Chuko Liang". Zhuge Liang looked to Zhao Yun, then to Yue Ying and finally to the hairy beast in front of them. He cleared his throat.

"Creature, do you say anything else than 'Chuko Liang'?" Zhuge Liang asked it. She nodded happily to his question, showing that at least she could understand them. She then stared at him repeating his name still. "Could you say something else then?"

Yue Ying's eyes widened as it finally hit her.

"Of course!" she thought. "The mooquatch is..." she gasped.

"Chuko Liang! Chuko Liang! Chuko Liang!" The mooquatch squealed happily.

Zhao Yun raised his eyebrows and spoke up. "My lord, shouldn't we continue to march? What of our battle with Wei?"

The mooquatch punched Zhao Yun in the head knocking him off his horse. Zhao Yun quickly stood up and charged at the beat with his spear and caught her in the side. She roared in pain but quickly took out the spear from her side, which Zhao Yun was still holding, and launched the spear and him off the mountain. Surprisingly, Zhao Yun landed in a lake next to Wei's camp. He went wide eyed and retreated as he saw Cao Ren, Xu Huang, Xiahou Dun and Dian Wei run out with troops.

Back on the mountain, the creature sniffled and looked up at Zhuge Liang. She cried his name many times and rubbed her side. Zhuge Liang sweatdropped.

"My dear...I think that the creature..." Yue Ying began. Zhuge Liang looked at his wife confusedly as the creature whined his name more.

"This creature...is in love with you!" she declared causing Zhuge Liang and the soldiers to be shocked. Zhuge Liang then stared at the creature blankly as it looked at him.

A soldier started to roll on the ground laughing. He laughed so hard that he ended up wetting himself. The mooquatch bit it and threw the soldier into a cave where bats attacked him. The mooquatch then stared at Zhuge Liang with a loving and sad expression on her face. Zhuge Liang sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"I wonder if this mooquatch has a name or anything..." Zhuge Liang said to Yue Ying. Yue Ying shrugged and they both looked at her.

"Mi...ao...Cai...Miao...CAI!!!!!" it roared. The soldiers yelled around and panicked. They ran around in circles.

"GENERAL XIAHOU YUAN IS HERE! GENERAL XIAHOU YUAN IS HERE!" They yelled. A soldier drew his sword out and charged at the Mooquatch.

"SHIN SUPER MIRACLE SPINNING FLYING CRANE BIRD DRAGON DIVINE RUSHING TORNADO SLAM ELECTRIC GRAVITY ULTRA MOON SWORD CRASH ATTACK!!!" he screamed as he missed hitting the Mooquatch. The mooquatch roared in anger and grabbed it by its throat and tossed it miles away. Nobody ever saw the soldier again. Yue Ying worriedly looked at her husband.

"My husband, our morale is getting low again...and we have lost a lot of soldiers, what shall we do?" she asked. Zhuge Liang sighed.

Zhuge Liang looked around and noticed there was only 5 soldiers, Zhao Yun, Yue Ying and himself left. He thought for a few minutes trying to think of a strategy to get away from this fearsome foe. He finally thought of something.

"Miao Cai... right?" Zhuge Liang asked her. The mooquatch, Miao Cai, nodded her head. "We do not want to hurt you, but you must let us leave. You have killed most of my men and if you actually... love me... like my wife says, then you must let us leave in peace. What do you say?"

The mooquatch snorted and punched its chest furiously. It then picked up Zhuge Liang, tossed him on its shoulders and ran off. Yue Ying gasped and with the remaining soldiers she ran after it. They ran, ran, ran and ran, until the mooquatch stopped and jumped up on a rock. Then it held Zhuge Liang in its arms and cuddled him. Yue Ying frowned at the sight and the soldiers tried not to laugh, instead they snickered.

As night fell, Yue Ying whispered to the soldiers her plan again. They nodded in agreement to her plan. They snuck over to where Miao Cai slept and checked to see if Zhuge Liang was alright. Zhuge saw them but Yue Ying made a sign for him to not move or say anything, they didn't want to cause the beat to awaken.

"We will help you." Yue Ying said quietly to her husband. The soldiers split up, some down to her feet, the others up at her arms. They took out rope and gently wrapped it around her ankles and under her arm pits to her shoulders. They then found solid foundations to support the rope.

"Now!" Yue Ying said quietly, but loud enough for the soldiers to hear. The soldiers and quickly pulled the rope and tied it to the foundations. Miao Cai's arms went flying to the side and Zhuge Laing fell to the ground. Miao Cai roared in anger and shock of what happened. She looked at her arms and legs, now tied up, and roared even more. Zhuge Liang hugged his wife gently and they ran off to their horses. Zhao Yun ran over to them.

"You are alright!" Yue Ying said surprised to see Zhao Yun again. Zhao Yun nodded and looked at the beast, which was somewhat far from view.

"What happened?" Zhao Yun asked them. Zhuge Laing and Yue Ying looked at each other and shook their heads.

"We will tell you later, but for now we need to get out of here as fast as we can." Zhuge Liang told him. Zhao Yun nodded and they quickly rode off with the sound of the beast slowly fading away.

After riding for an hour they finally arrived back home where Liu Bei look surprised to see them. Zhuge Liang told him the bad news and he was sad to hear it.

"Let's go to sleep and we will decide what to do tomorrow morning." Liu Bei told them. They all agreed and went to sleep.

Back on the mountain the ropes broke, freeing the angered beast. She roared loudly and crawled into her cave to sleep.


End file.
